Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I Hated Boondock Saints-Veritas (truth) and Aequitas (justice)

I was told by more than one person to watch this movie. That it was right up there with Pulp Fiction and The Departed as well as Reservoir Dogs in terms of must see's and cult favorites. Expectations were high but with the new random drug policies adopted by my medical company, I was not. Though it would not have made a difference.

This 1999 film is essentially about 2 Irish brothers who accidentally kill Russian mafia thugs. They turn themselves in and are released as heroes, even slapping fives with most of the police department as they mosey on out. They see this as a dose of serendipity and a calling by God and start knocking off mafia gang members one by one.

The movie is a story of good and evil and fraternal twins that set out to rid Boston of the evil men operating there while being tracked down by an FBI agent. Willem Dafoe as agent Paul Smecker was embarrassing on more than one occasion. I laughed out loud when it shows him attempting to figure out clues to the crime while being seemingly possessed by the sounds of opera and exhibiting signs of a serious seizure in the process. What his sexual orientation has as a significance to the will have to take more than a moment to explain.

Don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen.

David Della Rocco as the Funny Man' was atrocious and may want to think about starting small. Like maybe a school play. An elementary school play. One quote that was delivered in near Oscar form and fashion?

"Hey fuck-ass, give me a beer."

The Saints are sorta like 7-Eleven. They're not always doing business, but they're always open. And always smoking. It matters not that they are both a buck fifty soaking wet or that they have no means in which to acquire the heavy artillery to do the big business, they are seeking truth and justice and for that, even the mafia is no match.

God's will may be to have people think for themselves and question piss poor acting, of which this movie had a-plenty. There is even more than a cameo from Ron Jeremy, who thankfully, keeps his clothes on, as a pervert mafioso (big stretch) that visits the same peep show at the same time and get's popped by the saints. This movie is just plain bad anyway you slice it.

There were spots of this movie where I was actually intrigued only to be deposited back to reality when the Funny Man opened his mouth or viewing Smecker laying in bed with another man getting stroked like a Persian cat only to slap him upside the head and call him a "fag".

Did I miss something here?

The final scene with him dressed as a woman was priceless. I wasn't sure if it was a cult favorite I was viewing or scenes from Tru T.V., world's worst criminals. A "man" torn between the forces of good and evil. Wrong and right. Opera and cops from Southie.

One thing for sure...this film was beyond good and evil. Any further recommendations? When the credits rolled I remember remarking, "Hallelujah, Jaffar!" to no-one in particular.

Liberating, isn't it? Kind of makes me feel like River-dancing...


  1. After my daughter read this, she said, "Mama, you wouldn't like it." We were in the theater watching "Walk the Line" and when it was over, the girl behind us yelled, "Thank God!"lol

    Allman Brothers - Macon, GA - April 23rd!

  2. I'm with you, man. The original doesn't hold a candle to the movies you mentioned.

    But who can explain why anything becomes a fad?

    And now there's a sequel. Who would've guessed?

  3. Athens: Allmans April 23rd? Does that mean you have tickets to the best double barrel guitar attack known to man this present day?

    I'd love to go see Jeff Beck coming this summer, but we'll see.

    Don't see Boondock Saints...

    Be well sister!


  4. Rev,

    Seriously. I was all pumped up to watch some vintage stuff and then sat there explaining to my wife that yes I was serious, this was supposed to be good.

    Thankfully, she held it against me...

    Most of the time it appears something becomes a fad because most humans have this great capacity for herding. Moo cow moo.

    Be well brother.